Changing our minds about ourselves

Every day is an opportunity to change our minds about how we see ourselves.   I have had some times recently this summer where I have felt "less than" because I gained some unsightly (unsightly to ME...my husband still thinks I am hot) fat and started feeling less than thrilled with my appearance.  Knowing intellectually that the way I look on the outside is no reflection of my internal self,  I made myself feel worse by giving myself a hard time about it.  Normal right?  NOT.  So I used a dry erase marker on my mirror a few days ago to write the words "Your thoughts create your reality".    In typical "Carmen" fashion I use every thought and experience in my life to find a way out of negative behavior and thinking.  This little message (so far)  has been a great tool for reminding me that I AM in charge of my life.  I can make it or break it "so to speak".
Every day is also a chance to change your mind about what your day will bring.   The most useful tool I have ever found is to be in the moment by stopping & centering yourself with three good breaths with my eyes closed and remembering a message that resonates with you (like my mirror mantra).  After you have done that only then should you make decisions, only then react to situations with your kids, only then speak with your spouse when they make you mad,  and only then tell yourself a story about how you look.  

 Too many times our minds are programmed to send us messages that we aren't even aware we are sending.  No amount of calorie restriction, no amount of meditation, no amount of praise from our spouses or partners will change how we feel about ourselves until we stop the damaging internal dialogue by stopping and being present for ourselves with a quiet awareness that allows us to praise ourselves.  Praise for what great parents we are, what wonderful husbands or wives we are (even when we are mad), what great friends we can be (even if we don't send a card for every birthday), what great kids we are (even if our parents have passed away we honor them by presenting ourselves to the world in a positive way), and what great humans we are by living honestly and ethically and lovingly on this earth.



This isn't a long post about health...it's just a reminder that no matter our gender or status in our community, no matter the size of our home or the kind of car we drive....we owe it to ourselves to be first and foremost loving and accepting of ourselves.  Our higher power would not be pleased if we acted any other way.  So as I wake tomorrow and get focus back in my eyes after putting my contacts in the message will be the same "Your thoughts create your reality".   I hope to go about my day with a sense of awareness that I have some control over my day.  I hope to breathe deeply and take time before I react or respond.  But if I don't?  I hope to not judge myself harshly either.

In peace,

Cfh

My life has taken on a new kind of busy since going back to school for integrative nutrition.  Two jobs, school, a young child and husband and 5 animals, a home to clean and food to cook are all on my lists of to do's every day.  When the weekend rolls in I get to scratch off one of the jobs and it feels like a vacation.  Wait...I forgot to mention myself.  Did I forget to say that I was on that list too?  Well I am...I make time every day to do something for me.  I work out 4 days a week, sit with a good book, pet my dogs, do my EmWave 2 and enjoy bringing stress down by breathing from my heart or just brew a cup of tea and sit listening to music.  

Taking time to concentrate on yourself is SO important.  It helps us Moms to not feel bitter about being sucked dry of all our energy.  It puts fuel back in our creative tank to decompress and not snap at our kids who are learning from our examples every day.   We are not supposed to give and give and give until we have nothing left for ourselves.  It has taken me many years to learn this and to know I am not a better mother or super woman if I don't stop and plug myself into the to do list.  

Some people may think it's selfish to spend time doing something you love thats completely for YOU and no one else.  I disagree and if you ask my family how much nicer mom is when she has had time for herself they would agree.  This is your permission slip to do something for you today....10 minutes is all you have?  It's plenty to unplug and gather your intentions.  Do it.  Your family will thank you.

In health,

Cfh

Joy thief

What is a joy thief? Something that we allow to steal the happiness from our lives.   The joy thief for women can come in the form of a scale and is followed by a thought that can make or break our day.

How did we get to be such an image obsessed society?  Obsessed with our weight, how we look, what we are wearing, how we look in comparison to another person or even to our OLD selves!  How did the outside become so much more important than the inside?   Having been a pretty scrawny kid I never really thought much about weight or how I looked compared to other kids.  I think it crept up on me when I got into junior high school and it stayed with me for the next 20+ years.  I remember when my obsession with losing weight started.  I was about 25 and had been living a pretty "hard" life for many years.  Drinking and eating whatever and whenever I wanted.  Working at Outback Steakhouse gave me free reign of whatever I wanted to eat...and whenever.  I tried to run away from the inevitable aging process as time went by.  I would end up working out over 3 hours a day.  Before I met my husband my routine was pretty brutal:  Get up at 4:00 a.m. go to spin class at 5:00, take a kickboxing class at 6:00 and then work until 5:00 and go back to the gym from 5:30-7:00 pm.  Did my body change?  Not much.  Was I in good shape?  Not as good as I should have been for all that exercise!  Since then I have learned so much about how damaging too much exercise can be.   Click here on articles about how too much exercise can be a bad idea

 The older I get, the more things head south (GRAVITY sucks!)  and the less control I have over hormonal havoc on my midsection....the more damaging it is for me to focus so much on the external.  It is extremely stressful to our mind and body to worry so much about the way we look.   Of course I still have hang ups...things I wouldn't mind to be different about my body.  But what I am realizing is that I only want these things to be different when I am comparing myself with others or thinking about what others must think of me!   When I am going about my day; walking my dogs, playing with my kid, hanging out with my husband, working with clients I feel completely fine about myself with no hang ups at all.  It's the more vulnerable times like at the pool around other people, dressed up to go out with friends who have much better fashion sense than me, being at an event where looking good is "required".  Those are the times where the joy thief sneaks in and grabs my happiness.  Well I am working hard to change that from here on out.  I know I don't need a compliment from someone else to make me feel good about myself...instead I will continue to work out appropriately and be grateful for my body's ability to lift heavy things.  I don't have to have expensive trendy clothes like most women...instead I will be grateful I HAVE clothes when so many people struggle to afford anything nice to wear.  I will stop looking at other women and wondering how they look so good eating junk and doing nothing...instead I will be thankful that I have so much knowledge to be healthy and know how to nourish my body properly.  Last but not least when I get a compliment I will not automatically think of the other things that my body needs help with...I will be grateful and say thank you.  At least I will try.

The body believes the mind....so if you're mind tells your body it is fat, unattractive and flabby the body will never change.  Let's make a collective effort to change our minds...shall we?

Molly Galbraith has struggled with her weight and has some great blog posts about it here and here
This one I recently shared on my Facebook page is worth reading. Find it here

In good health,

Cfh